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Do you love a woman?


I do...
I did...
Yes,
Loved 
Had deeply fallen in love
when I had a broken heart 
and she happened to me.
And today when I am thinking about her 
with a broken finger this time,
It brings an inextricable smile on my face!

That was a time long ago...
I knew her from my school days 
met her here and there 
and then it was in grad school
when I found her in front of the main gate
I was so delighted to know 
that I already have a friend...a person I'm acquainted with before.
I brought her to my coaching class
and then the whole story began

Together the lanes we walked,
the classes we went,
and library study was an excuse for us 
to gossip and gossip about everything but useful things !

We pledged our lives to be together, 
We proposed each other.
Her neighborhood seemed like mine as I was to be always found there
And my house seemed no more mine as it became ours.

everywhere it was her aura
though we spoke about him 
and our unfulfilled desires 

advising each other and being the agony aunt for the other
we had become astrologers and predicted the lives for the other

we shared the same blanket,
in the winter afternoons.
we shared the same plate, 
on the hunger days.
we shared the same songs, 
on the fitness days as we jogged down lanes of south kolkata.
we shared the same fag,
on our smoking days.
we designed the same clothes,
on our fashion obsessive days.
we shared our secrets which we may even not dare to re-tell our souls,
on our secret days.
and those days of watching movies and imagining ourselves to be a part of those fairy tales
and act upon it till we got tired of ourselves and others started questioning on our sanity!

everything was going fine 
we were in relationship, and happy with each other but not happy with the men we thought we loved 

In search of the man-woman love,
I went head over heels yet again 
found that halo and the cupids singing 
as the arrow struck me hard. 

To rewind and magnify the situation
had she come on the meeting...cupids might not have showed!
but as she left me alone to meet him 
my world changed after that...literally so!

As he did sweep me off my feet...
I went farther from my lady love
no more gossips 
no more libraries
no more smoking
no more relationship
with her.

I was entering a new world again and I have always loved the transitions between the worlds...
and I knew this was a very special transition and this was the last time I am going to experience it
as I knew this was my man...
Dream Man...
It was like dreaming in daylight
when realities become so beautiful that you don't want to sleep anymore,
eat no more, 
think no more,
but only admire the moment, the person, the feeling, the attention that I was getting from him, because of him!

In all that halo-ness
I forgot to hold back to my old lady love
As with time she moved far away...
our love flew away...
only the image of love 
which got infected with the blow of the devil 
and jealousy is what now she had for me....

Sometimes she got tired of getting away from me 
and she confessed all her wrong doings
that she did behind my back 
as we again tried to come back together.

A day came when she gossiped and bitched against me 
Yet again she confessed me her doings

With time it seemed slowly to be turning into a habit of our relationship...
as we never could get far away from each other
the times we were apart she bitched about me 
and poured out all her sadness and the feelings of her lost love in the negative manner
after her bucket got empty she came back again just to be heartbroken again....

The cycle became dangerous 
and it wasn't healthy for both of us

I loved a man and a woman 
But I couldn't love them together
The answer was very clear

I had to get rid of my habit of her....
I had to get rid of her habit of me...

We had to get along our separate ways
As we no more belonged with each other
Our togetherness was becoming unhealthy for us...

So silently we parted our paths
though now we seem to walk towards the similar destination
but our roads are different
our fates are different
our lives are different
and so is our outlook towards life.....

We had pledged our lives to be together
Fulfillment of that pledge together 
Is what I doubt now
but I wish her the luckiest luck for all her endeavors 
now and in future
I may be away but I will keep a watch
for my lady whom I had loved dearly

Today revisiting my grad school 
Reminded me of you
our friendship
our relationship
our love 


As I was withdrawing myself back from that nostalgia to reality
I realized this day
That I have a very odd characteristic and it may not be very sensible to many, as so my blog..... 
But I love to love 
silently
selfishly 
cliquishly and exclusively....

so will I  keep doing that
love a man 
and 
love a woman silently but.


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